Purity, schmurity.

This article interested me very much, as I have been intrigued by the concept of purity balls for some time now. In fact, I wrote a poem for my thesis on the subject, and continue to explore the concept as often as I can through articles, websites, and first-hand accounts.

For those who don't know, purity balls are a recent phenomenon in which a young girl (who can be as young as 2 or 3 and as old as a college student) goes with her father to a formal event whose theme seems to be a cross between a wedding and a debutante ball. The girls wear white dresses and the fathers wear suits; they stand at a cross or altar while the fathers pledge to protect their daughters' "purity" until those daughters marry.

I find this an interesting practice, particularly in light of the fact that we've known for months now that abstinence/virginity pledges actually encourage riskier sexual behavior. Why would anything think this could work?

Of course, I'm equally concerned with the damage these events can do to a girl's mental image of herself. In the above article, an 18-year-old girl tells the author that on her wedding day, her father will quite literally give her heart to her husband-- he has a key to a locket she wears, and will relinquish that key only when she is married. "It's a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector," she says.

That makes me want to cry-- doesn't she think she's strong enough to protect herself? How does it make her feel, being nothing but a valuable prize to be given away to the strongest knight at the tournament? And what about her husband-- what if he needs a little protecting now and then? How will he feel, being asked to be a knight in shining armor instead of a contributor to a lifelong partnership?

Personally, I don't think God gives a whole lot of thought to "purity." I think God cares most about how we treat and respect others-- and I don't think he's peeping in through the keyholes of our bedrooms, waiting to pass judgment on our sex lives.

I'm a Christian woman. I believe that Jesus was divinely inspired, I believe that he loved everyone, and I believe that he died for that love. But I think the lesson of Jesus' death is NOT that we are sinful and bad and wicked and dirty and broken-- I think it's that we need to treat others lovingly, and to think for ourselves, unlike the blind masses that called for Jesus' death because they didn't understand his teachings.

And I believe that having sex before marriage is one of the best choices I've ever made. It's so nice to think that on my wedding night, I'll know exactly what my fianc likes, and I'll know exactly what I like, so I can really enjoy myself. It seems like a shame to waste such a most romantic night worrying about it being your first time, and having such intense pain in your genitals that you just lie there and wait for it to be over.

And you know what? I talk to God pretty regularly, and he's not mad at me. In fact, I think he's pretty proud overall of how I've turned out.