7 Things I've Discovered About NYC

Reading this article about escaping the New York tourist traps made me wonder: what sorts of things have I learned in my few weeks as a New Yorker? Is there any wisdom I can pass on to future visitors and/or residents?

Well, probably not, but I'll try anyways. Here are a few things I've learned since I moved here:

1. Public transportation exists, but you're still going to walk everywhere.

Don't get me wrong: I love the subway and the bus. I am a champion of people movers, and I hope I never have to drive another car in my life.

That said, though, New York is not Paris, with a Metro station every five feet. If you want to get between two general neighborhoods that are far away from one another (say, Harlem and Chelsea), then the subway is for you; if you want to get between two very specific places (say, 9th & 21st and Broadway & Grand), you're probably going to do a lot of walking, anyways. Public transportation is great here, but it doesn't service every area equally.

If I wanted to take the subway to work, I'd have to walk six blocks to the subway station, wait for the E train, then walk another eight to work. So I just walk the whole distance, because really, the eight minutes I save with the subway aren't worth two bucks.

2. Traffic laws/stoplights/pedestrian crossing signals mean absolutely nothing.

NOTHING. Cars will not slow down for yellow lights; cars will not use turn signals; pedestrians will walk across busy streets without even looking twice. Seriously— if you live in New York, just assume that, sooner or later, you will get hit by a taxi. It will happen. That's why I can't wait for our new insurance to kick in; I don't want to get run over BEFORE I can afford to pay the hospital bill.

3. No one hates tourists.

Seriously. I've spent a lot of time these past few weeks trying to act like I'm not a tourist— hiding my maps behind my purse, looking at printed-out Google Map pages stealthily in phone booths, keeping my voice down when I call Adam for directions. But you know what? I don't think anyone cares. New Yorkers seem to be so used to tourists that they don't mind them so much, and sometimes they even think they're cute. In fact, most of the people I've met in Manhattan are originally from somewhere else, so at one point, most Manhattanites WERE tourists, or at least new in town.

Just don't wear a fanny pack. Ewwwww.

4. Not everyone eats out constantly— some people still cook.

The only people who have ever told me that "no one cooks in New York" are either people who have never lived here or people who have just recently moved here. Everyone else cooks at least occasionally, and do you know why? I'll tell you why: Chinese takeout is delicious once or twice per week, but when you eat it every day, your body kind of starts to fall apart. Even in a small kitchen you can usually manage to fix yourself something marginally edible, and you can do it while watching TV or listening to the radio or talking to people. Like, you know, your family, whom you don't get to see during the day because you're WORKING.

5. At the same time— you can have ANYTHING delivered. ANYTHING.

Apparently, New York was designed to be a city where a person has to walk seventeen blocks to work, but somehow can't be bothered to go to the store for a quart of milk. EVERYTHING is delivered here— not just pizza or takeout, but deli stuff, and groceries, and PAINT, for goodness sakes. PAINT.

And all of this sort of makes me wonder— who has to be the paint delivery person? I mean, delivering delicious food may not pay very well, but at least you get to be around delicious food all the time. Delivering paint? Blahhhh.

6. Rich people and poor people live closer together here than in many places in America.

I live in Chelsea, a trendy neighborhood with lots of expensive apartments. Two blocks down from me— I am not making this up— is a housing project. Teen moms watch from their windows as teen millionaires shop in expensive couture boutiques.

In Ohio, poor people and rich people lived in completely different towns. With the Youngstown model, the rich live in Canfield or Poland, the social-climbing middle class live in Boardman, the contentedly lower-middle-class live in Struthers and Austintown, and the poor live in Campbell.

But here, everyone seems more mixed up together. There are nicer neighborhoods and crappier neighborhoods, but for the most part you can find fancy places and crumbling places in almost any part of Manhattan. And that's kind of positive, in a way, because that way the rich at least have to look at the poor on their way to work in the morning. Even if they're traveling to work in a private car that picked them up from their house in the Hamptons that morning.

7. Everyone has a dog. Every. Single. Person.

I figured that lots of apartments would equal lots of cats. I mean, I tend to think of cats as the natural choice for apartment dwelling: they're clean, they're quiet, they're compact, and they don't tend to drool on things. But no— everyone in Manhattan seems to have a DOG, and many of these dogs are LARGE DOGS.

They're adorable, of course, and I've enjoyed playing with them, but I mean— seriously? How are they able to be home four times a day to walk these dogs? How do the dogs get enough exercise? How do the owners not get completely sick of Dog Smell being all over their teensy weensy apartments?

Okay, fellow New Yorkers: your tips?