Sugar and Spice, and Everything Nice

Dear America,

Usually, you and I get along fine. I hate your obsession with NASCAR and your hearty enjoyment of Dancing With the Stars, and you hate my liberal hippie bullshit and the way I refuse to buy things that normal people feel the need to buy, but otherwise, we’re cool. I sing along with your national anthem at baseball games, stimulate your economy with my hard work, and do my best to remain educated about your political and social issues, and you provide me with constitutional rights and a place to live (a pretty nice, rent-controlled place, now that you mention it).

But this week, we need to have an intervention. You’ve been having some problems with common decency, and we need to straighten this out before things get any more out of hand.

Let’s make this clear: being an asshole is still unacceptable. The proper way to disagree with someone is to say, “I disagree,” and then list the well-reasoned rationale for your disagreement. You can be as sharp and critical and unyielding as you like; disagreeing with someone doesn't mean you have to be prissy about it. But just because it’s 2009 does not mean that being well mannered and well bred is irrelevant.

The right way to disagree does not include shouting “YOU LIE!” and pointing your finger at people while they are speaking on national television. I’m sorry, Mr. Wilson, but even a six-year-old knows that pointing and yelling is unacceptable. Previous to the finger-pointing incident, I knew nothing about Mr. Wilson; now, the only thing I know is that he was quite possibly raised by wolves. It's not about respecting the office of the presidency— it's about respecting your fellow man, no matter who he is. Don't act like a pig, my friend.

The right way to disagree does not include telling someone that they don’t deserve the award they just won while they’re making an acceptance speech, as Kanye West did to Taylor Swift at the VMAs. First of all— dude, it’s the VMAs. It’s not really a major awards show. No one cares. Second of all, if Beyonce could be a gracious loser, why couldn’t you be a gracious…I don’t know, a gracious person-who-has-nothing-at-all-to-do-with-the-situation?

The right way to disagree is also not to threaten people while you’re playing tennis. What Serena Williams said to make her lose the match was just trashy, and it makes me sad, because Ms. Williams has always seemed like a pretty cool chick to me. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess, but man, lighten up.

In short, I think America needs to be reminded as a whole that being cruel, uncouth, out-of-control, and just plain boorish is not in any way cool, impressive, or convincing. Because, y’know, it’s not just celebrities who are doing these sorts of things— it’s the chick on the subway who elbows me in her hurry to exit the train, or the guy carrying his lunch into The Gap who yells at my husband to walk faster.

I really liked this article in the Times yesterday: it’s about how humble Americans were after V-J Day, and how it seems that the mood in America is the least narcissistic when the country’s achievements are at their peak. Can’t we try and be decent to one another? If we could do it on September 12^th, 2001, we can do it again: be nice to people you don’t know, not because it’ll make you look nice, but because it IS nice. Hold the door open for the next person. Smile and say “thank you” when your food arrives at a restaurant. Let the person behind you in line— you know, the one with the heavy bag or the fussy baby or the terrible head cold— go first.

Let’s not just be civil. Let’s be kind. I think everyone in America would be happier if they tried being nice, don’t you?

Love,

Philosophy