A New Philosophy

Lessons From My Mother

Anewphilosophy — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:22:48 GMT

The more I browse The Nest, and the more I fill out those idiotic post-wedding surveys that The Knot sends my way (with, of course, the promise of an entry into some sweepstakes or other), the more I am convinced that I am absolutely nothing like most of the women who enter into matrimony in the course of a year.

For one thing, I must be waaaaay poorer than most. Usually the surveys I take for other purposes have a "$15,000-$24,000" income bracket and a "$15,000 and below" bracket, and I check the former one (which I suppose is only accurate if you pretend like Adam still has a job...) so that I don't feel so wretched. But these bridal surveys group everyone below $35,000 together, which is funny, since my parents raised three children on $35,000/year, so it's not like it's poverty level or something.

For another, I'm clearly young for a bride. Everyone under 24 seems to be the same in the eyes of The Knot's surveys.

And of course, I'm clearly not as preoccupied with my face. Mostly I spent my last survey merrily checking "Not Applicable" next to a host of beauty treatments and products, including makeup, tanning, manicures, pedicures, deep tissue massages, hair removal, teeth whitening, cosmetic surgery, breast augmentation, and Botox.

Really, girls— if the thought of your wedding day makes you shell out the dough for the deep tissue massage, you probably shouldn't be getting married to the guy.

It's more than that, though— I don't remotely resemble any of the women on The Nest, which is part of the reason I've stopped frequenting their deliciously irritating message boards. All of these women are in their early thirties, and seem completely possessed by thoughts of babies, weight loss, mortgages, neighbors, and hosting parties. This is a phenomenon completely unfamiliar to myself; not only have I never experienced the all-consuming dilemma over whether or not my neighbor is having an affair with her mailman, but I'm pretty sure my parents never cared about this crap, either.

My mom had babies— three of them, to be exact— but while she stayed home to raise us and spent most of her time with us, I always felt as though we never consumed her, at least not in a negative way. She always had friends, and interests, and she always liked to read new books or find out what was going on in the world or take us on some new adventure.

When I was growing up, my mother was, on the outside, the perfect picture of a suburban woman: pretty and healthy and fit even after 3 children (in fact, now, at 54, she looks about 35), she stayed home after giving birth, she enjoyed cooking and baking and sewing, and she moved all the way from her beloved Florida just so my dad could get a job in bitterly cold Pennsylvania. And yet, my mother has always been the strongest, smartest, most capable, and most interesting person I've ever met (and believe me, I've met a lot of people for a 23-year-old). She may have enjoyed domestic pursuits and shunned a lucrative career, but she wasn't like the other mothers on the block— she didn't gossip, she didn't fuss with makeup, she didn't whine constantly about her kids or her housework. She always maintained who she was— she never lost herself to simply being somebody's wife or somebody's mother.

She was so good with balance, you see. She was able to be my friend without losing her motherly authority over me; I desperately wanted to please her, to do things that would make her happy, but only out of love, and never out of any fear that they might be angry or that she might punish me. She was able to run a household simply by defying the stereotypes of a housewife— she brought a zest and a life to chores that kept them from seeming like drudgery, at least to her oldest daughter.

I want to be like my mother in nearly every way. I know the particulars can't be the same: we're of different temperaments, and I wouldn't be happy without working out in the world— I wouldn't be happy with a parcel of kids to feed and clothe and bathe and get to school. But I do try to model myself on my mother's values: the importance of family, the importance of thrift, the importance of moderation, the importance of good sense and reflection and deep thought.

And when I think of how my mother began her marriage, how she was before I even knew her, I feel better. She, too, would have checked that "$15,000 or below" box. She, too, would have written in "23" in the age box. She, too, would have checked "Not Applicable" beside face creams and perfumes and lipsticks. She would have been as young and poor and unexceptional as I am now, and nothing would have hinted at the amazing person I'd come to know over these awesome 23 years.

And that makes me happy. Because if I'm on the same path my mother once traveled, then it can't be a bad place to be.

Romance In The Snow!

Anewphilosophy — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 03:22:42 GMT

Don’t you just love December? The snow, the lights…it’s all so romantic! So I decided to make a list of romantic things to do with my hubby, and share them with you guys!

This holiday season, Adam and I will…

-Play in the snow! I want to set aside an hour or so where we can put on both of our snow suits and just throw snowballs at each other— maybe even make a snowman.

-Go get a Christmas tree. Tomorrow Adam and I are going with my parents and sister to cut down a tree and drag it back to the truck. Then Adam and I are gonna take ours home and decorate it!

-Make a stocking for Charlotte Brontë. Adam and I got stockings for each other at the dollar store yesterday; his is green and mine is red, and they’re all satiny and sequined and what have you. But Charlotte Brontë, the third member of our little family, doesn’t have a stocking, so I want to make her one! We’ll just decorate a regular sock and hang it up at the window with our stockings.

-Watch Love Actually. I know it’s not exactly a guy flick, but I bet if I make popcorn I can coax him into it. Or maybe I could offer to re-enact the kissing scenes with him…

-Go to the Christmas Eve service. Actually, the candlelit Christmas Eve service is where Adam decided to ask me out on a date years ago. He saw me walking up to receive communion and decided that he had to take me out! J And the service is really cool: we kneel in the dark, with the church lit only by candles in the stained glass windows, and sing “Silent Night” together. Cool, no?

-Drive around the neighborhood and look at the lights! Some of the houses on our street really get into decorating— there’s even one place with a life-sized light carousel. I always liked driving around and looking at the lights when I was little, so why not do it now?

-Make some yummy treats! Spiced cider, hot buttered rum, hot cocoa, or gingerbread cookies…who knows what we’ll cook up for these frosty winter nights?

And y'know, if you don't have a spouse, a significant other, or a main squeeze, you can do most of these things just as well with a best friend or a sibling. Romance is easily converted into general holiday fun!

What romantic (or just festive) things are you doing for the holidays?

Married...Without Children

Anewphilosophy — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:46:15 GMT

So I was researching the Duggar family today— mostly because they freak me out and I firmly believe that those Quiverfull folks are theologically unsound and mentally unstable, but also because, well, they do have some great money-saving tips— and I ran across an organization called No Kidding! [exclamation mark included].

It's apparently an organization of people who are either not having kids yet, or who are unable to have kids, or who just don't ever want kids for one reason of another. They hang out and do stuff and talk about things and don't have to deal with people constantly asking, "So when are you two going to spawn?"

And I kinda want to join. Okay, so yeah, their website looks like 1996 threw up all over it, but still, it's an intriguing concept for a social group. I mean, Adam and I are going to be childless for another ten years, so if I'm sick of being asked about my womb NOW, imagine how much worse it will get in a few more years, when more of my friends are married/preggers/thinking about getting preggers.

Plus, it's hard to find these types of people to talk to. All the people on my Babies Not On The Brain board at The Nest have quite suddenly decided to become pregnant and create little tracking devices in their message board signatures that tell the world when they're due/ how far along they are/ when they'll be ovulating next. I am not making this up.

Now, as I've said before, I'm not trying to hate on people who DO have kids, as long as they're responsible, mature parents and they didn't just pop those kiddos out so they could have something cute to dress up in little bonnets every day. I'm just saying that I want to schedule my child (Adam and I both only want one, as we like the idea of a small family) in a pretty specific place in my life, and if modern birth control allows me to do that, why not give it a shot?

Wikipedia has a great article on Childfree; these are the most interesting statistics from that page:

The number of these women who are without children is unknown, but the National Center of Health Statistics confirms that the percentage of American women of childbearing age who define themselves as childfree (or voluntarily childless) rose sharply in the 1990s - from 2.4 percent in 1982 to 4.3 percent in 1990 to 6.6 percent in 1995.
Overall, researchers have observed childfree couples to be more educated, more likely to be employed in professional and management occupations, more likely for both spouses to earn relatively high incomes, to live in urban areas, to be less religious, to subscribe to less traditional gender roles, and to be less conventional.
David Foot of the University of Toronto concluded that the female's education is the most important determinant of the likelihood of her reproducing. The higher the education, the less likely for her to bear children.

I'm not all that surprised about the religion part, but I must say, they can't be counting all that many Episcopalians in there. I know plenty of people at my church who don't have the urge to procreate. The more I see of non-denominational/ evangelical Christianity, the more I think there must be some terrible mistake and we're actually reading two completely different Bibles.

So anyways— babies. I'm going to make a poll about this, I think...keep an eye out for it.

Newlyweds In Action

Anewphilosophy — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:56:58 GMT

Check out our wedding announcement in the local paper!

Too bad you can't see the picture that was printed along with it, because according to Adam, I look "funky" in this picture. And not in a good way.

And this is creepy: a local bank actually cut out the article and sent it to us, with a card. We have never been to this bank, nor do we know anyone who works there. Ack. I mean, I know they're trying to be nice, and I appreciate that. But it's still a little weird. Plus...dude, if I'm married, I already have a bank account.

A Remarkable Piece About Love

Anewphilosophy — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:09:33 GMT

Please read this moving essay by Anna Quindlen, entitled The Loving Decision. It discusses the landmark Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia in the context of gay marriage.

In the midst of all this misery over here, it's so nice to know that some people out there are working to spread kindness and love, and that the inevitable breaking down of boundaries can never be halted by hatred or division.

Getting Pregnant Ain't Just a Bushel of Laughs

Anewphilosophy — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:53:27 GMT

I am becoming greatly disturbed by the number of married couples who seem to be using the "pull and pray" method of birth control these days. On my message boards it's all over the place. There was even some woman who posted on my board in order to whine about not using real protection a couple nights ago, but her only real reason not to want to be preggers was so that she could be her friend's Maid of Honor in eight months!

And you know what? This woman should know better, because this woman apparently WORKS AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

Um, guys? Babies are a BIG DEAL. Just because you're married doesn't mean it'll be any easier to have a baby. It will be tough and require lots and lots of personal and professional sacrifices on the part of BOTH partners. Why wouldn't you plan out something like getting pregnant instead of leaving it to chance?

We are considering having a singular child in about ten years. This is why I use birth control pills, and also why we additionally use condoms whenever I feel that the birth control pills might not do it (if I missed one by a couple hours, if I was on antibiotics, etc). If I were ever in a situation wherein I was concerned about the effectiveness of my birth control after the fact, I would grab me a morning-after pill so fast it would make your head spin.

I don't understand how people are so blasé about these things. Sheesh.

Love Is A Right

Anewphilosophy — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 00:20:41 GMT

I could have posted this in the politics section, but I think this transcends politics. I think this is something that has a lot more to do with love than with political maneuvering, although it seems the state of California disagrees with me this week.

The passing of Prop 8 in California makes me incredibly sad, and not just because I have a gay sister and I intend to dance at her wedding one day whether bigoted assholes like it or not. No, it makes me sad because I'm married, and I can't imagine denying that happiness to anyone for any reason.

In fact, I honestly can't imagine how anyone who is happily married would choose to keep that right for themselves and refuse to extend it to others. I must therefore conclude that the majority of voting Californians either have never been married or are unhappily married, because anyone who has ever been in love knows that the feeling generally makes you want to encourage love in others. Like many happily married people, I find myself frequently trying to couple my friends off, introducing people or encouraging them to ask one another out. My friends are often frustrated by it, but usually they suck it up and deal. :) Love is pretty contagious, so backers of Prop 8 must be pretty durn miserable.

The funniest part about this ban is the insistence on the part of many evangelicals that same-sex marriage somehow disrupts the foundation of heterosexual marriage. To them, I say: wow, you must have SHITTY-ASS MARRIAGES. Are you kidding me? My marriage is a rock, people. Death couldn't stop this love. If your marriage is so weak that two lesbians taking advantage of tax breaks can ruin it, then honey, you shouldn't have said "I do" in the first place.

There IS one heartening aspect of this ballot measure's passage: the exit polls and the polling the week beforehand all suggested that the measure would fail, which indicates that plenty of people who voted yes in the end were ashamed to admit it to pollsters. That's a good step— they realize that they're doing something wrong and hurtful, at least. This means that later on, when they've evolved and matured emotionally, we can appeal to the better angels of their natures, and maybe we won't have this kind of oppression legislated anymore.

I love being married, and it breaks my heart to imagine how gay people in California must be feeling right now. I'm imagining how horrible it would be to be engaged to Adam, to be excitedly planning our wedding (remember those days?), and then to suddenly be told that because of the way we were born, our wedding has to be cancelled. That must be such a horrible feeling, not be able to make that commitment publicly and legally. Or how about this: what if ignorant, hateful people decided that my marriage to Adam was suddenly null and void? Constitutional scholars think this might happen to those gay couples who married while it was still legal in CA.

I think what my mother said yesterday is about right: we need to separate civic marriage from religious marriage. No one should be denied the right to be recognized by the government as a married couple, but you also can't force churches to recognize marriages, even if those churches are just being big jerks about the whole thing.

See, marriage wasn't originally a religious arrangement, and in fact, the Church refused to have anything to do with marriage until the 1500s. Marriages have always been contracts between two families or individuals, and religious institutions were originally loathe to become involved in something as sordid as human sexual relations or money/property exchanges. It was only with the Council of Trent in 1545 that marriage was incorporated with religion, and even then many priests had reservations about the union [get it?] between the two.

So why not have civil marriages and religious marriages completely separate? That way everyone can be equal under United States law (in the spirit of the American Dream) but individual churches can refuse to bless or join together couples based on whatever dumb-ass criteria they'd like to name.

I wouldn't mind separating the two, and I'm married to a soon-to-be minister.

Y'know, the way I feel about gay marriage is pretty much the way I feel about abortion, which is: if you don't like it, DON'T HAVE ONE. Conservatives don't get to whine about wanting smaller, less-invasive government if what they really seem to want is to make the federal government butt out of their business (leave my guns alone! don't take my money for taxes! don't educate my kids about sex!) while simultaneously wanting it to go pawing through other people's lives. Quite frankly, if you're not in the market for a gay marriage, then stop trying to prevent other people from marrying, because it's none of your damn business.

Random Ramblings From a Fevered Brain

Anewphilosophy — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:52:00 GMT

So I'm sick with the flu today, and I have nothing better to do (while I lie on the couch and vomit) but look up new recipes and think about Christmas stuff. Wow, pathetic, eh?

...

On the recipe front, I'm trying to come up with something good for dinner. I'm nauseous to the extreme right now, so it can't be anything too thick or hearty; on the other hand, it's snowing and Adam will have been at work in the unheated mill for twelve hours today, so I'd like it to be something fairly pleasant and enjoyable to eat.

Hrm...perhaps I can make my favorite hummus? With a side of homemade tabouli, it makes a meal that can be filling, yet easy on the stomach. Problem: I'd have to take a jaunt down to Marc's to pick up some pita, and I really don't feel like walking for forty minutes in freezing weather while my body revolts against itself.

Or maybe I could make chicken soup? I feel like I could probably improvise something with chicken broth, boneless chicken, carrots, celery, potatoes, and assorted herbs and spices. I don't want to mess it up by experimenting, but I can't find a recipe I like. Maybe if I try making some and it comes out well, I can write down what I used and put the recipe here!

...

Now, as to the Christmas considerations: I'm thinking I might like to send some real holiday cards of my own this year! However, I can't quite seem to find any that I like— most of the pretty ones say "Merry Christmas," but I want "Happy Holidays" ones, because that's what I mean. Why just send tidings of cheer for one holiday when what I actually want to say is, "Have a great Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever, and also a great New Year, and if you're an American friend of mine, then I also hope you had a great Thanksgiving"? I think "Happy Holidays" encapsulates my wishes pretty well, but all the cards I've seen that express that sentiment are UGLY. I don't want a huge garish cartoon reindeer, people— I want something pretty and delicate and preferably sparkly, and maybe something just a little adorable.

Sigh.

Christmas is my favorite holiday of them all, and it's so exciting to get to spend our first Christmas together as a married couple! We're planning to get a little Charlie Brown Christmas tree and some lights, decorations, etc. We're also thinking we might get stockings and write our names on them, and I'm ordering a door wreath from my mom's class (they sell them every year to raise money for school trips).

Of course, the holidays also mean trying to send time with each of our families, and that can be a little difficult, especially considering how many family members Adam has. Thanksgiving usually means that we go over to my parents' house in the late morning, eat dinner there around 3 or 4, then leave to eat another dinner at Adam's grandmother's house and spend the evening there. Christmas usually means spending Christmas morning with my family, and the late afternoon/evening with Adam's.

I wish we could have everyone in one location for the holidays, but Adam has his parents, his two sisters, his grandparents, his aunt and uncle, and his seven cousins. If you add in my parents and my two sisters, that would mean we'd have to get a total of 21 people together for dinner— which is impossible in our little one-bedroom apartment!

Argh. We'll see how it goes.

One Month

Anewphilosophy — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:20:29 GMT

As of yesterday, Adam and I have been married for one month!

We have TWO hot dates in the works for these next few weeks. First off, we believe we may be able to go see Oliver Stone's W. next week. I babysat for a friend's kids last Saturday and earned twenty bucks, and if we put that together with my awesome Super Savers coupon, we can totally go out on a hot, hot date to the Austintown Movies 8! We haven't been out to do something fun in awhile, so it'll be a welcome treat.

Adam is down with W., but he won't go see Religulous with me because he dislikes Bill Maher. I had forgotten that Bill Maher was actually supposed to be a comedian and not just a political figure, and Adam, as a comedy connoisseur, finds him annoying. So I'm going to have to threaten my parents into going or something. Or maybe I can get Kerry and Erin to come...

And then on November 1st, Adam's taking me to one of my favorite places ever: the YSU planetarium. How can you not love that place? Just read the description of what we're going to see:

Black Holes: The Other Side of Infinity
Narrated by Academy-Award nominated actor Liam Neeson, Black Holes: The Other Side of Infinity brings the current science of black holes to the dome screen. Supported by grants from NASA's high-energy GLAST telescope project and the National Science Foundation, this cutting-edge production features high-resolution, animated visualizations of cosmic phenomena, working with data generated by computer simulations. We'll bring you striking, immersive animations of the formation of the early universe, star birth and death, the collision of giant galaxies, and a simulated flight to a super massive black hole lurking at the center of our own Milky Way Galaxy. Thomas Lucas Productions in collaboration with Denver Museum of Nature & Science, NOVA, and the National Center for Supercomputing Applications.

Star death! Giant galaxies! Massive black holes! Liam Neeson! *jumps up and down and wiggles with glee* And it's FREE, betches! That's right: I get to watch simulated diagrams of an Einstein-Rosen bridge FREE OF CHARGE. I love educational institutions and the wonderful things I can find at them. (I also love theoretical physics, which I bet you didn't know before. If I'd been smarter, and if I wouldn't have sucked at math so much, I'd have studied something science-ish in college!)

Things are going well. We're having a good time (although I would be happier if I had a real job— we could use some financial security) and we're working really well as a married couple. Everything's coming up roses, y'all!

A Very Serious Question

Anewphilosophy — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 23:58:32 GMT

So I have a question to ask the girls out there in cyberspace— and any medical professionals who might be hanging about. I'd ask my gyno, except that Adam and I BOTH need major oral surgery this month, and our insurance is kind of crappy and won't pay for all of it, so I don't really want to spring for the extra money for a trip to the gyno just to ask her a question I could have asked over the phone. And I can't just call on the phone because I don't really HAVE a gyno in Youngstown yet, and I can't just call up a random one and ask her to give me some free advice.

So.

I'm on birth control pills, as previously discussed in my anti-baby post. I was always told by my doctor at Vassar that you shouldn't, like, stop being on the pills and then go back to being on them, because that would mess with your hormones. She always said it was better just to stay on them, no matter what.

But then I was talking to my friend Margarita when she came in for the wedding, and she said that HER doctor told her that, after she's been taking the pills for a year or so, she should quit for a month or two so that the hormones can get flushed out of her system. She said that it prevents things like blood clots and a lowered sex drive and whatnot. I've never experienced either of those things, but I've been on the pill for three years now, without taking a break. And then Margarita told me that our friend Gaya's doctor told her the SAME THING.

So does anyone know if this is true or not? The first of my two written prescriptions runs out next month, so I was thinking about taking a break for a few months before I fill the next one. But I don't want to upset my already delicate hormones, if my old doctor was telling the truth.

I can't seem to find a lot of info about this online— it's all just FAQs involving how many pills you can miss and not get pregnant, what you should do if you miss a pill, what the side effects are, etc. I can't really find anyone to answer my question. Does anyone have any advice for a poor, gyno-less girl?

Tearing Out My Womb In Frustration

Anewphilosophy — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 03:30:20 GMT

I hate babies right now.

Okay, well, maybe hate is a strong word. I don't hate babies: I just do not wish to have babies right now, and that should be perfectly okay with everyone who does not know me or care about me, but somehow it isn't. Somehow, perfect strangers who have never met me or spoken to me and who don't even know my name seem to think I ought to procreate like mad.

Just so you know? Totally gonna rant now.

So I've been lurking on The Nest message boards— not posting, just reading some posts and amusing myself with the contents. After some bitch chewed me out on The Knot for my kindly suggestion that perhaps she SHOULDN'T take out a $20,000 loan to spend on a wedding (and all this after she had SOLICITED ADVICE FROM ME)**, I've been playing it close to the chest and not volunteering any opinions or explanations on The Nest.

So today I was just surfing around the BNOTB (Babies Not On the Brain) board, as I enjoy the snarky conversation and the general refusal by women who post there to go into labor as soon as the ink on the marriage license is dry. I think I might eventually start posting there. Anyways, some horrible harpy left this insulting post:

Posted by: Mr.&

Subject: You are all selfish beotches

Message: have a kid - and quite focusing all on YOU YOU YOU...you whores.

Yeah, that's right. Not only did she affront my eyes with her misspelling of "quit" and her blatant disregard for the rules of capitalization— she announced that she doesn't like me, and others of my ilk, because she thinks we're SELFISH for not having children. SELFISH.

Hrm. Let's think about which one of these scenarios is more selfish: having a child because, like, it would be, like, so totally fun!!!!1111 and then not being prepared to, y'know, raise it for the rest of my life, OR, deciding not to get pregnant until I can properly raise and communicate with a child from now until I die? I'm voting for Numero Uno as the more selfish choice, folks.

I realize now that, as a young, poor woman from Hillbilly, Ohio, there is a certain Baby Paradox that I must endure: if I had ten kids by now, I'd be considered white trash, some silly girl who didn't know how to use protection and was too ignorant to learn my lesson. As a childless woman, I am somehow threatening, an emotionless ice queen without a heart or a soul. How does this make sense? How is this a productive way to think about motherhood? And what does it matter to people 3000 miles away who will never meet me in their entire lives?

The fact that this comes in the middle of a huge push by the Bush Administration to ensure that my birth control can't be covered by insurance (and by the way, it looks like my BC costs may go from $2/month to $40/month— goody goody!) is just one more nail in the coffin. Seriously, folks— WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE BABIES?! Why does anyone who isn’t either my husband or my venerable self care whether or not we have children?

I get the same feeling from this that I get from those articles written by ignorant people who insist that gay marriage is wrong because a gay marriage cannot result in procreation between the two married people. Why on EARTH would you need other people to have babies that badly?! There are 6.6 billion people on this earth. We have just witnessed a population EXPLOSION. We don't need more babies, folks, and we certainly don't need more babies born to people who don't want them.

I...I just don't get it. It's not like I'm so remarkable that I absolutely must breed in order to replicate genetically superior beings with powerful intellects and superb physical features (although oftentimes I like to imagine that this is the case). Why are people threatened by my emotional maturity, by my concern for the welfare of any child I might actually produce? I don't want to have a baby right now because, well, I don't want to have a baby right now, and if I DID have a baby, I don't think it would be healthy for said baby to be raised by someone who doesn't really want it right now. I'm not out to boil babies in big iron pots, and I'm not saying that I want to completely eradicate the human race by never allowing anyone else to have babies (even though it really has crossed my mind a few times, with some of the people I've met in my life). I'm not even saying I don't want babies at all— just that I don't want them now. WHY IS THIS SO STRESSFUL FOR OTHER PEOPLE? Why does every other person at church ask me if we're planning on having a baby soon, and then, when I say we're not, proceed to look kind of pissed off?

I don't want a baby right now. I'm okay with that. I don't understand why no one else is, and I certainly don't understand why total strangers wish for me to procreate.

End scene.

**By the way, this was, like, three months ago, so in the wake of the financial crisis, THAT BITCH IS SO TOTALLY REGRETTING HER STUPID-ASS DECISION. Just goes to show that Philosophy always wins. Yeah, punks, what's up?

Cute Old People

Anewphilosophy — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:49:54 GMT

You all know that I'm not exactly the sentimental type, at least when it comes to romance (I'm pretty sentimental about kitties and hamsters, though!), so usually I wouldn't post something like this. But this NPR story about a couple who met on a blind date after World War II and have been together for 60 years was pretty durn cute.

My favorite part? The tie that the husband wore on that first date had apples on it. APPLES! I need to get Adam an apple tie.

A Week of Married Life

Anewphilosophy — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:12:06 GMT

Our first week (and then some) of being married has been GREAT! I love that Adam gets to work the daytime shift for two weeks— it's so much nicer to have him next to me at night. Plus, knowing he'll be home at seven gives me something to look forward to all day!

Charlotte Brontë is also becoming more and more acclimated to our little married world. She has taken to using the old orange recliner as her own personal TV/bird-watching chair, although she'll occasionally deign to sleep on my lap for a bit in the afternoon. She loves Adam's off days, as on those days we usually sleep late and then sit in bed and drink our coffee and pet her to her heart's content. In fact, she has taken to waking us in the early morning by walking around the apartment and yowling bloody murder until we get up and pay attention to her!

Life in the apartment goes on: we've got some new neighbors across the hall in #11, and our not-as-new new neighbors in #12 have been downright friendly. The people directly across from us in #9 have a cat, as well, and sometimes they leave their door open a tiny bit and the cat comes sniffing curiously into the hall. I have this vague fantasy that the neighbor cat will become friends with CB, and they'll have kitty adventures and gossip about their owners while we're out.

Actually, I'm starting to really love our building. People are so friendly and kind here! The other day I was walking down the stairs, and this woman on the floor below me came walking up towards me, dragging her toddler, who was having some sort of tantrum involving his shoes. And do you know what she did? She saw me and smiled, and said, "I heard you guys got married last week. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you!" and kept smiling at me as though she didn't have a furious child to deal with. I was so touched by how thoughtful that was, to greet and congratulate someone you know by sight alone even as you dealt with a screaming toddler. How nice!

Mostly the people who live in this building fall into three categories:

1. Old people who live alone and don't want or need the space an entire house provides;

2. Single parents with one or two children; and

3. Young marrieds/ couples living together.

This makes for a nice milieu of people, really. And the neighborhood is so open and friendly; people wave and smile at me all the time when I jog around the block, and there are always kids running and shouting in the evenings. We're also conveniently located; it's definitely a residential area, but I can walk or ride my bike to Marc's or the bank or the Chinese takeout place, and the Austintown Fitch High School stadium is on the next block, so Adam can get his fill of high school football.

The only weird thing about our location is that the ONLY McCain supporters in pretty much the entire city live directly across from us. Austintown and Youngstown are richly peppered with Obama signs, and the only McCain sign we've seen on this side of town is the one on our neighbors' lawn. Adam and I have enjoyed taunting them with our "Believers for Barack" sign in our window, though, so it's actually been quite fun. And I always enjoy thinking about those people, and wondering how different we are, and how similar. I actually kind of want to invite them over for dinner or something. I mean, I know it'd be totally insane to invite over people you've never met, but I'm curious about them! The only thing I know about them is that one of them is a blonde woman who wears lots of shirts with three-quarter-length sleeves, and that's not exactly a revealing piece of information!

So anyways, I like it here...too bad we'll only be here for a year. Then again, though, I'd rather not live the rest of my life in Ohio, thanks very much. New York, here we come!

From Wedding to Marriage

Anewphilosophy — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:30:17 GMT

Everything went wonderfully. The ceremony was simple and sweet and lovely, the cookie reception was tons of fun, and the picnic was a total blast!

It really was the best day of my life up until now. I didn't expect that to happen, but it did. I've never been that happy.

And now, we embark upon married life! Expect the scope of this page to change somewhat; while I'm always interested in awful wedding stories and tales of grasping, greedy brides, I'm going to be focusing mainly on marriage now, and on how one builds a marriage from the ground up.

And oh goodness, remember The Knot? Well, they've got an entire newlywed site called The Nest, and it is just as awful (expect occasional rants here). The entire thing seems to be not-so-subtly geared towards having babies. I mean, is this really what people do? They get married and then immediately have babies? Doesn't that strike anyone as a potentially bad idea, if one isn't ready? I mean, you're still getting used to living together, having combined finances, shopping together, planning together...don't you think it would be a good idea to enjoy one another for awhile (say, a couple years) before adding a new person to your family?

I for one am perfectly content with my little family here: Adam and me and kitty makes three! Last night I was uploading pictures of the wedding to Facebook, and I look around and Adam is fast asleep on my right side and Charlotte Bronte is fast asleep on my left side. It was such a homey little moment, and it made me realize that we've already built our new family— and that it really doesn't need any screaming babies just yet.

That said, perhaps in seven or eight years, you might find me ranting about The Bump. (God, that will be a trip.)

It's Ovaaaaaar!

Anewphilosophy — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 17:16:25 GMT

I didn't expect it to be the best day of my life so far. BUT IT WAS.

I'll be posting pictures and some play-by-plays in the next few days. For now, though: I am Mrs. Philosophy Walker, wife of Adam McCluskey. A married woman.

AWESOME.